


1001 nightless days.

by Neisseria_Meningitidis



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: 1001 days loop, A story about how a man can become an unfeeling monster, Canon-Typical Violence, Don't expect anything beyond kissing, Echidna is a witch, Echidna set the fire of madness, Emilia is a broken girl, Emilia is still Emilia, Emilia starts to connect with her inner lust, F/M, Gen, Greed if, Greed if! Subaru, It ends up not being about piano, It starts with Subaru wanting to learn piano, Petra is cute as heck, Reinhard is a sad puppy, Roswaal is a bastard, Self-Harm, Subaru is Echidna masterpiece, Subaru is not a human anymore, Subaru keeps it going, Subaru's brand of suicide, The endless 1001
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27550612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neisseria_Meningitidis/pseuds/Neisseria_Meningitidis
Summary: Subaru wants to share a piece of music from his world with Emilia. Echidna offers to help.
Relationships: Emilia/Natsuki Subaru
Comments: 50
Kudos: 156





	1. Moderato Cantabile

\+ Day 0 +

Subaru let his fingers slide gently across the piano’s keys, he never touched a grand piano before. He wondered if the keys were made of ivories, like the piano of old, but he doubted elephants actually existed here. 

‘“ _ I’m sorry, but elephants only exist in your memories. _ ”’ a voice whispered to his ear. 

He still wasn’t used to Echidna's constant company. She shared all of his waking moments and his every thought. It was quite intrusive and exhausting, but it was a small price to pay for her knowledge. He hated her, but he needed her to be able to ensure total control of any situation. He never considered himself a control freak, but he had no choice. 

'When everybody's life and happiness rest on your shoulder, you have to learn to manage the weight of it all.' 

There was no need to share the burden with anybody else, he had to be strong enough to endure it all. The burden of choices and their consequences was his to bear. Alone. Echidna didn’t count, she was no human and thus was incapable of human suffering. And even if she did, Subaru didn’t care, she was a tool to him like he was a tool to her. They had the most greedy symbiosis in existence. 

Pressing lightly on a key of the piano, Subaru let the note echo through the music room. He then let his hand play one of the only tunes he knew, it was nothing but a small nursery rhyme, still, he liked it all the same. 

‘“ _ The piano is in dire need of some tuning. _ ”’ she said.

“Killjoy.” 

Maybe he should tune it, this day's schedule was quite lax. He needed to wait for some reports from Elsa before diving deep into some scheming. 

‘“ _ Scheming sounds evil. _ ”’ Echidna commented. 

“You’re the one who sounds evil.” 

He could find a tuning kit easily enough, but he had no experience in piano tuning. His only foot in the music world was a few lessons from his aunt years ago. Those were good times. 

‘“ _ Take the kit, I’ll tell you how to do it. _ ”’

“Lady AI is knowledgeable about music? I thought the art was one of humanity's last bastions.” 

‘“ _ All knowledge is worth having. And all knowledge is worth sharing. _ ”’

Subaru looked inside the various cabinets until he found the proper tools. Even with her direction, he was bound to be slow and make many mistakes. But for once in his new life, he had time to spare. Having all the time in the world and yet always running after it… what an exhausting life. 

It took them three hours to achieve a satisfactory result. Echidna was a cruel teacher but a competent one. Her teaching methods were her and hers only, but his learning methods were as unique. 

‘“ _ I could teach you how to play it. _ ”’

“Why. Would. You?”

‘“E _ milia would melt in your arm if you were a splendid pianist. _ ”’

‘“That’s why I would want to do it. Not why YOU would want to teach me.”’ he was always on his guards with her. 

‘“ _ I want to see how good of a student you are. And how far you’re willing to go to learn. And how quickly you grab the basics of solfege. And how long you can study before tiring too much. _ ”' she paused. '“ _ Aaah. I could go on and on. But you don't really want that, right? _ ”'

“You’re basic as fuck. Have you any other ambitions?” 

'“ _ Ah! _ ”' she feinted shock. '“ _ You’re the one to talk. Do I need to remind you about your love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love _ .”' she went on and on. '“ _ Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love for your Emilia. _ ”' 

Subaru said nothing. He had no counter-argument, he could act all high and mighty, but he was no better. No, he was worse. She was born this way, he became like that of his own free will. 

“Anything I would want to play to Emilia doesn’t exist in this world.” 

‘“ _ It’s music, you can recreate it _ .”’

‘“Do I look like Mozart to you? If I could transcribe music from memory, I wouldn’t need you to teach me anything!”

‘“I _ f you allow me deep inside your memories, I could do it for you. As long as you truly listened to it once, I could unlock the hidden memories inside your mind. Just because you can’t consciously access them, doesn’t mean I can’t. _ ”’

A way to share a part of his world with Emilia. A way to share what made him happy with Emilia. A way to share what remains of his heart with Emilia. 

“Deal.” 

\+ Day 1 +

Dreamless sleep or sleepless nights, it was one or the other for Subaru. He missed when used to dream every night, especially his special private dreams with his Emilia-tan. He could still daydream about it, but even that was tasteless now. 

“You ruined my mind, witch.” 

‘“ _ You did that to yourself. If I could manipulate your mind, we wouldn’t be here. _ ”’ she laughed. ‘“ _ You insist on wasting yourself here. If only you- _ ”’

“No. Not a word. Sshhhh. Shut up. Lalalalala.” he covered his ears. Everything to keep Echidna from monologuing. 

‘“ _ You’re no fun! _ ”' she pouted. 

Subaru was sitting in a study at the Roswaal’s mansion, he was sitting in front of a desk, next to an upright piano. How many of them did this mansion have? This one seemed to have seen more use than the grand piano and was already tuned. It will be easier to start to learn in the privacy of the study than in the middle of the music room. 

‘“ _ I don’t see why you want to practice here. It’s not as if anyone will remember your struggles. _ ”’

“Yeah, but practicing your scales on a stage seems overkill...” 

But she had a point, this day was fated to die with him this very night. He had work to do, after all, normally he only had two or three hours of free time a week. At this rate, it would take him twenty real years to master the piano. 

Fortunately, he was no normal man. He had more time at his disposition than the sum of the rest of humanity. It was just his personal time, nobody else could really take advantage of it. The only thing that could be born from this unreal time was knowledge. So he used this special time to grind his skills. 

‘Pocket day’ was the strange name he gave to his little technique. He could take a day, any day, to gather knowledge and then reset this very day again and again until he was satisfied. One hundred times, one thousand times, one million times, it was truly limitless! For the rest of the world, you gained ten levels out of nowhere, literally in a blink. However, the price to pay for a ‘Pocket day’ was always the same. 

Subaru grimaced, just thinking about it felt dreadful. 

‘“ _ If you want to optimize the ratio knowledge/death, you should save every hour of the ‘Pocket days’ for your training. _ ”’

“No shit, Sherlock.” Subaru rolled his eyes. “Now, let’s get started!” 

‘“ _ Before we get started, I think we should decide on an objective goal. _ ”’ Echidna put her immaterial hands on his shoulders. ‘“ _ To know when to end the ‘Pocket day’ loop. _ ”’

“I guess it would be wise…” giving her a compliment hurt. “Having a clear objective in mind is a good way to stay motivated. When I feel myself wavering, I always remind myself of why I’m doing it. Grating Emilia’s wishes!!!!!”

‘“ _ Exactly, that’s the spirit. Now, pray tell. What is going to be our goal? _ ”’

Subaru started to think about it and listed what he wanted to accomplish. He wanted to impress Emilia with his skills (always). He wanted to share something precious to him with her (only her gets him). He wanted it to be perfect, absolutely perfect (that was a given). He wanted to transport Emilia to another world (ambitious). 

So playing a piece of classical music seemed to be the perfect way to do so. But which one? Echidna told him everything was fair game as long as he made attention to it. It had to be both beautiful and impressive, so an obscure etude made to twist your fingers or a beginner’s piece wouldn’t do the work. 

Now that he thought of it, how ambitious should he get? He had all the time in the world, true, but he was no genius nor did he have the malleable brain of a child. Still, with potentially thousands of hours of practice behind him (what a scary number), he could become quite competent.

So why not settle from something even his profane mind found truly poignant. 

“I want to play something to Emilia, a piano piece I always loved.”

‘“ _ What it is? _ ”’ Echidna was excited, she was about to listen to something this world had never heard before. 

“ It’s the ‘Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2’ by Franz Liszt.” 

And just like that, he let Echidna dive deep into his mind. 

\+ Day 2 + 

“Arf… I should have gotten a good night of sleep before resetting. Why am so I eager to slice my own throat?” 

‘“ _ Why would you, are you tired? _ ”’

She wasn’t wrong, he didn’t feel any physical fatigue. Restoring himself to a previous rested state was functionally the same as resting. 

“A man can enjoy his sleep, you know…”

‘“ _ But do you really? _ ”’

She wasn’t wrong, again (damn her). He didn’t even remember when was the last time he truly enjoyed sleeping. Still, bypassing sleeping felt inhuman. But no more inhuman than bypassing dying. God, he hated when she was right. 

Yesterday… today... Yestoday was nothing but arpeggio and solfege. Only taking time to eat, drink, and use the bathroom… and taking his daily Emilia shot. The poor girl felt so lonely when he didn’t, at least, visit her once a day. Echidna told him time and time again that it was useless to reassure her, that she would forget everything in a few hours, that it was a waste of time. But a ‘Pocket day’ was not a ‘Let Emilia suffer day’, moreover, he needed her soothing presence too. 

Those lap pillows were worth fighting and dying for!

‘Dying for’... thinking about it hurt. 

“‘ _ You’re going to get used to, eventually. You’re already quite acclimated to the concept. _ ”’ 

“Acclimated or not, it’s no fun!” 

Echidna was looking at his work, reviewing his every mistake. And there were a lot of them. She clapped her hands on Subaru’s cheek.

“‘ _ Try again. _ ”’

\+ Day 7 +

Subaru was progressing fast enough, but he knew he would soon reach a plateau. And from then on, progress will be agonizingly slow and demanding. Then it would get better, then he would fall again in a slump, etc. He was not looking forward to it. 

Working more than twelve hours a day... no, day wasn’t the word for it. 

The loop began with him waking up at 5am, then he would spend exactly an hour on his morning routine. 

He would be in the study at 6am sharp and Echidna would tell the plan for today. 

From 6am to 12pm, he would be hard at work only taking a thirty minutes break to rest his mind and body with a power nap. 

By 1pm, he would finish lunch with everyone, taking care of telling them not to disturb him. 

From 1pm to 4pm was the second study session, followed by the holy ‘Emilia Time’. He would spend thirty minutes with her on even loops and one hour on odd loops. 

He would then commit himself to the third study session until 8pm. 

After that, he would have supper in the dining hall, where he would enjoy everybody’s company for an hour. 

The loop will end with an hour to recap and review everything he learned of the day. 

Then cut and repeat. 

So no sleep except the power nap. But it was already decided that sleeping was useless. Even though, Subaru did tell Echidna that sleep was important to process the information. She objected his resting time was enough, and that he couldn’t compare himself with those who weren’t on the same timeline as himself. No scientists ever did a study on someone like him after all. He heard that being awake for as long as he did would make people hallucinate, but no such illusions came to him, only a deep sense of indifference. 

‘“ _ Being jaded makes everything easier. We don’t want you freaking out every time you need to cut the loop. _ ”’

Subaru caressed his throat as she spoke. They should stop calling it that, it made him feel... uncomfortable. 

\+ Day 10 +

“‘ _ Try again. _ ”’

He was a man of routine, but this was getting ridiculous. 

“‘ _ Again. _ ”’

He tried again and failed.

“‘ _ Again. _ ”’

It’s as his finger wanted the death of him. 

“‘ _ Again. _ ”’

They kept fucking up. 

‘“ _ Again. _ ”’

It wasn’t even that hard. 

‘“ _ Again. _ ”’

But he just could not do it properly. 

“‘ _ Again. _ ”’

He always messed up the sequence somewhere. 

‘“ _ Again. _ ”’

He wasn’t even getting better at it, it’s as if his skills regressed with every try. 

‘“ _ Again. _ ”’ 

Echidna did nothing to comfort him. 

‘“ _ Again. _ ”’

To be honest he did not deserve kind words anyway. 

‘“ _ Again. _ ”’

Why would he, he kept fucking up. 

‘“ _ Again. _ ”’

She should be harsher with him. 

‘“ _ Again. _ ”’

Maybe it would teach him to stop being a failure. 

‘“ _ Again. _ ”’

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM.

‘“ _ What was that? _ ”’

Subaru crashed both his hands on the keyboard. 

“Sorry… I need that.” 

\+ Day 23 +

‘“ _ You should have exited the bath twelve minutes ago. _ ”’

“I know.”

Of course, he knew, the witch reminded him of the time every single minute. He had been eleven minutes late just before, now he was twelve minutes late, and soon he would be thirteen minutes late. 

‘“ _ You should have exited the bath thirteen minutes ago. _ ”’

Using the 'great bath' instead of having a quick shower was the original mistake. He looked at the ceiling to avoid looking at her. It was useless, as her non-corporal form just shifted from his side to just above him. 

‘“ _ You should ha- _ ”’

“YES. I KNOW.” he hit the water with his fist. “But I need a fucking break, ok?!?” 

He had been on learning duty for 255 hours now, 202.5 of which he spent in the study. He spent eighty percent of his time working and twenty percent thinking about working. 

‘“Y _ ou have allocated break time, you know. If you start losing your pace now, you’ll never amount to anything _ .”’ 

He didn’t answer. He looked at his reflection on the water, she couldn’t possibly put herself between him and his reflection. He tried to focus on enjoying the bath, but the water was already cold. He started to shiver but he didn’t have the strength to fetch warmer water. 

He looked at the gem hanging from his neck, the very thing that bound him to the witch. Wearing it as a necklace was fitting, as he felt as Echidna was constantly strangling him. Even the 'Witch of Envy' wasn’t such a thorn at his side. 

“Echidna.”

‘“ _ Yes? _ ”’

“I’m going to take the day off.” he sighed. 

‘“ _ You really want to pay the privilege of bathing in cold water with your blood? _ ”’ she slipped her finger on his throat, from one carotid to the other. 

“Shut up.”

‘“ _ Crying in the water won’t get it any warmer, you know. _ ”’

“SHUT UP!”

She watched as Subaru silently cried. He was obviously being torn apart between his ambitions and his deficiencies. It was sad to watch, really. He really needed to free himself from his flawed heart. 

His flesh was weak, but it was unimportant. 

His mind was strong, he had the potential to be unshakeable. 

His heart was the weak link. Dragging down his unlimited potential to a disgusting state of impotence. 

What a waste. 

He was on the path to greatness, she knew that. Taking baby steps toward his true self. He was going to be her masterpiece, both a mean and an end to her ambitions. This exercise in patience and determination was the perfect opportunity. 

She just needed to help him along the way. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck. And she started to whisper sweetly in his ear, imitating the voice of a caring mother. 

‘“ _ I know how you feel. _ ”’

“No, you don’t.”

‘“ _ I see what you’re going through. I am always by your side after all. _ ”’ 

That he couldn’t deny. 

‘“We can put an end to your pain together.”’ she sighed. ‘“ _ We just need to get a hold of what we are feeling right now _ .”’

“Stop lying! You don’t have any feelings, you witch!” he spat back. 

‘“Y _ our anger is legitimate, but no matter what you think I am… I am as alive as you are. I have a will and a soul, I have ambition and a mind. Once I had a body and its sensations. _ ”’

“That doesn’t mean anything!”

‘“ _ You’re the one lying right now. _ ”’ if his heart was going to be a burden, she was going to make the most of it. 

She put her hand on this naked torso, she couldn’t actually touch him but he would feel her all the same. She felt his raging heartbeat and his lungs expand with each ragged breath. She looked inside his mind, searching for memories she could use. And a pale blue-haired maid flashed in her mind. 

‘“ _ You are their hero, Subaru. _ ”’

His heartbeat quickened. 

‘“ _ You need to be strong for them. _ ”’

His breathing became even more uneven. 

‘“ _ To bear their burden, you need to be free of any weakness. To make them feel safe, you need to beyond reproach. _ ”’

He closed his eyes. More tears came out of them. 

‘“ _ To built the paradise they deserve, you must emancipate yourself from... _ ”’

“I-I-I must emancipate myself from what??” he feverishly waited for her answer.

‘“ _ Mmm _ ”’ she wetted her lips. ‘“ _ No human can achieve what you set yourself to do. _ ”’

“...” he said nothing. 

‘“ _ You already know what you must do.” _ ’

Subaru opened his eyes to look back at his reflection again. 

‘“ _ That man, the one looking at you right now. _ ”’

He didn’t dare blink. 

‘“ _ Will be the death of them. _ ”’ she paused. ‘“ _ And you know why. _ ”’

“And I know why...” he absentmindedly parroted her. 

‘“ _ You know who the enemy is. _ ”’ 

“The man in front of me?”

He asked a question but she didn’t answer, she only kissed him on his cheek. He was her greatest work, being motherly toward him was only natural. 

‘“ _ Now, shouldn’t we restart this day anew? From zero? _ ”’

“We should.”

Subaru took off his necklace and rolled it in his hand. 

‘“ _ Just right there. _ ”’ Echidna touched a soft spot on his neck. 

He took a deep breath and put the sharp tip of the gem where Echidna indicated. 

“‘ _ One. _ ”’

“Two.”

‘“ _ Three. _ ”’

He pulled his hand away before sinking the gem into his neck.

\+ Day 23 v2 +

“We must make up for the lost time. Let’s start right away.”

‘“ _ Of course. _ ”’ she smiled. 

\+ Day 50 +

“Can I play with your hair some more, pleeease? Pretty please?” Emilia said, her thin fingers sliding through his dark hair. 

“Sorry, Emilia. But we’re on the fiftieth today.”

“Unfair! We’re on the seventh! There are not even fifty days in a month.” she pouted. 

“Yeeah, you’re right.” 

“So you’re going to stay a little longer???” her eyes shined with hope.

“Sorry, Emilia. But we’re on the seventh today.” 

She got teary-eyed. It broke his heart. If cutting his throat became easier with time, making Emilia cry remained a critical hit. Fortunately, for him, Echidna had no such weakness. 

‘“ _ Let's go, we don't want to lose time do we _ .”’' Echidna tried to shake Subaru's shoulder. “‘ _ Don't slack off and blame it on her. You know the consequences. _ ”’

“YoU kNoW tHe CoNSequENceS.”

“Whaaaaaat?’ Emilia asked, she was so lost, as always. What would she do without her one and only knight? 

“Nothing important, nothing important.” he kissed her gently on the lips, she returned the kiss. 

“You kiss me and then you run away! Do you know how cruel you are???” 

“Only to the one I love.” he blew her a kiss. 

He then closed the door behind him, nothing motivated him more than teasing and loving his sweet Emilia. 

‘“ _ Does that mean that you love me too? _ ”’ Echidna asked innocently. 

“No. You're the exception.”

He then went his merry way to the study. It had become second nature for him. When this project would be over, he would have to fight against a lot of new habits. No need to think about that, he still had a long way before reaching his musical goal. 

“‘ _ Subaru, did you forget? We're going to need some extra help from now on. _ ”’

“Ah, yes.” he forgot. 

Echidna's teaching methods were still as… Effective as of the first loop, but the limitation due to her lack of physical body was beginning to reverberate on Subaru's progress. 

Diverting from the previous path, he beelined to the garden. Having lived this day fifty times, he knew exactly where everybody was in the mansion. As he rarely deviated from his routine, they had no reason to change their behavior. 

Once in the garden, he started scanning the area for his target and new friend of misfortune. Truth be told, he would be none the wiser of the cyclic nature of his life and the tasks demanded… So no harm done, right? 

“If it's not the cutest friend of them all!” Subaru shouted as he slowly walked toward Reinhard. “Don't tell Beatrice I said that.” he winked at him. 

“Ah. I thought Emilia was the cutest of your friends?” 

“That's where you got it wrong, Reinhard. She is not my friend, she is my 'raison d'être'. That's not the same thing at all!” 

‘“ _ Well. You did manage to place it in a conversation. Congratulations _ .”’ Echidna commented. 

“Now, will you come with me? I need some help!” 

“Really? Well, I'll happily oblige.” Reinhard was always happy to help a friend in need. 

Subaru took him by the hand and guided him to his personal study. Officially, it was just a random study in the mansion, but Subaru claimed it as his second home twenty-five loops ago. 

“By the way, Subaru… Do you have any leads on Felt's whereabouts?”

Oh no… He was going to ask this question every single time, wasn't he? That ought to be exhausting really fast. 

“No more than…” Subaru forgot when he gave Reinhard fake information for the last time. "the last time we spoke about it. Sorry.” he faked a sad expression. 

“I see… Still, you have my gratitude for trying your best. I see how hard you work each day.” The pain was obvious on Reinhard's face. 

“Please, I beg you, don't worry too much.” Subaru took Reinhard's cheek in his hand. “I know we will find her, I promise you.” he smiled. “When was the last time my intuition failed you?” 

“Never, I guess.” he put his hand over Subaru's. 

The sword saint let himself be comforted by Subaru's gentle touch. It was his own fault Felt ran away, yet he was lucky to have a friend like Subaru by his side. A friend who was willing to overlook his flaws and fix his mistakes. 

Subaru looked as Reinhard was lost in his thoughts. It was cruel to lie to him, yes. But it was for the greater good. He knew exactly where Felt was, he made sure some of his 'employees' always kept a good eye on her. He will let Reinhard reunite with Felt, eventually. Once Emilia is appointed king, there will be no need to keep her away from him. Moreover, having I.O.U from the sword saint himself could only be beneficial to Emilia's administration. 

‘“ _ It's for the greater good. _ ”’ Echidna assured as she felt guilt rise in Subaru's mind.

“THE GREATER GOOD.” Subaru said with an ominous voice. 

“Excuse me? I fail to understand you-” 

“Don't mind me, don't mind me. It's a tick of mine.” he waved his hand as if it would dissipate the confusion. 

Subaru opened the study door and invited Reinhard in. 

“I heard you knew how to play the piano.”

“Well, yes. Who told you?” 

“Julius, I think?” lies. Nobody did, he just assumed and was right. “Well, I do too! I want to improve! So I want to monopolize your goodwill for today. If that's ok with you?” 

Reinhard sat on one of the many chairs in the study. 

“I never thought of you as a musician. I'm positively surprised.”

“I'm just a beginner, just a beginner. That's why I want you to help me improve” he clapped his face with both his hands. “I know it's a lot to ask, but I really want to work hard today. Next time, I won't be so demanding.”

“I see…" Reinhard smiled playfully. “If it's just for today… I'll indulge you.”

“Thank you” Subaru smiled. 


	2. Canon in augmentation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warth, melancholy, and lust.

\+ Day 100 +

Subaru was looking at himself in the mirror. He was supposed to go see Emilia, but he got distracted by a starring contest with his reflection. 

“I have no eye bags.” he said as he played with his lower eyelids.  
‘“ _And? Are we seriously late because you just noticed?_ ”’ Echidna raised an eyebrow. ‘“ _Not that I care, the ‘Holy Emilia Time’ is purely optional after all._ ”’ she looked at her nails, dismissing the absurdity of ‘Emilia Time’.  
“I haven’t slept for 1300 hours, and I don’t have eye bags.”

It was the hundredth loop. It must mean something? It was an impressive streak, even for him. 

‘“ _You have your power naps._ ”’

Subaru rolled his eyes. She knew what he meant… Why was she being so difficult? 

\+ Day 122 + 

“Please, Subaru, calm down. It’s okay, there is no need to-”  
“SHUT UP!” Subaru didn’t let Reinhard finish his sentence as he threw a random vase against the floor. 

Reinhard winced, that vase must have been really expensive. Was he really that bad of a teacher? For Subaru to set himself off out of nowhere? Reinhard guessed that their first day of piano lessons would be the last. 

Subaru took one of the many books in the bookcase and threw it through the window, breaking the glass in the process. He then knocked over the bookcase for good measure. With a bang, hundreds of priceless books spilled on the floor. Far from feeling guilty for his outburst, Subaru kicked them out of his way sending them waltzing against a wall. 

“Subaru, please.” Reinhard grabbed both of Subaru’s arms. He was going too far. “Tell me what is happening, I beg you. I never saw you act that way before.”  
“You don’t understand!” Subaru was fuming.  
“I know mistakes are frustrating, but it was only a wron-”  
“I SAID YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!” he pulled himself away from Reinhard’s grasp. 

Reinhard looked in horror as Subaru was contorting himself in rage. He knew Subaru was a man of passion, but this was so unlike him. 

“Please, if you talk to me, maybe I ca-”

Subaru kicked another book with enough force to destroy it. 

“It was... It was supposed to be a warm-up.” he sounded almost calm. “It was supposed to be a given, I was supposed to have already mastered it.” 

He slid both hands in his hair and started pulling fistful of it absentmindedly. Fortunately, he was pulling too much at the same time to actually rip them off. 

“I’m regressing, I’m declining. CAN’T YOU SEE!” he kicked another book.  
“Subaru, you’re way too hard on yourself. You’re already a pretty good pianist. You told me you were a begin-”  
“IT’S NOT ENOUGH!” he pointed at Reinhard's torso with his finger, digging it in his coat. “I know, I know. I’m slow... I’M FUCKING SLOW.” he exhaled, in a vain attempt to calm himself. “But. I. Always. MOVE. FORWARD. I NEVER GO BACKWARD. Because if I do… If I do…”

Subaru seized Reinhard by his coat, bringing the man closer to himself. He was a few inches from Reinhard’s face and he didn’t let go. 

Reinhard closed his eyes, preparing himself to endure Subaru’s verbal and physical abuse. Better him than the furniture. 

“So tell me… What have I done wrong this time? Why do I keep fucking up?” 

Subaru put his head against Reinhard as he started to cry heavily. He was having a total meltdown and he knew it, but he couldn’t stop himself. He thought he could do a simple task and he failed miserably. 

This whole project was a joke, he was delusional if he thought he could achieve anything. 

He started bawling even harder. What a failure. 

“Shhhh…” Reinhard took him in his arms. “It’s ok, It’s ok.” 

Reinhard didn’t know what to do, he wasn’t used to having someone cry their soul out in his arms. So he did what he saw others do, what he was envious of when he was a child. 

He gently kissed Subaru’s forehead. 

Doing so felt weird, but oddly appropriate. He was witnessing a side of his friend he never saw before, and he doubted anyone else did. Strangely, he felt honored. Subaru must have trusted him very much to let himself crumble in front of him. 

He hoped he could be up to the task. 

“It’s ok.” another gentle kiss. He felt Subaru relax in his arms. “It’s natural to cry. There is no shame in it.” 

Taking his words to heart, Subaru let himself cry so hard his throat began to hurt. 

“You’re only human, after all.”

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

Subaru pushed Reinhard away from him with all his force. Shocked by the sudden outburst, Reinhard searched in Subaru’s eyes an explanation for his brutal rejection. 

Terror. There was nothing but unadulterated terror in his eyes. 

Reinhard could do nothing but watch Subaru’s face drain itself out of all his colors. 

Subaru looked at Reinhard with teary eyes, shaking, almost frozen in place before running away without a word. 

He ran as fast as he could, praying that Reinhard wouldn’t give chase. He passed by the other resident in the hallway without stopping or answering their questions. When he reached his room, he plowed into it, slamming the door behind him. 

Echidna, who stayed silent until then, appeared in front of him. 

‘“ _Tsss._ ”’ she shook her head. 

She would have said that she was disappointed, if she wasn’t so captivated by the nature of his meltdown. 

Subaru truly was the man of her life. Watching him rise and fly, watching him crash and burn. It was all so fascinating. 

She could put him back on track next loop, now she was going to enjoy the show. 

\+ Day 122 v2 +

After Reinhard’s lesson and before supper, Subaru took a few moments for himself to blow some steam off. He couldn’t repeat last loop’s fiasco, could he? 

He fell back into his bad habit of scratched his arm until it bled. But rather than doing it unconsciously, he was focused on his arm since the first scratch. The sensation was nothing exceptional, it was the same as it always was. 

There was some comfort to find in familiarity he guessed. 

There were only two hours left before cutting the loop. He couldn’t wait to put this loop behind him. 

When he was particularly exhausted, cutting his throat felt oddly liberating. 

\+ Day 209 +

“Popipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopi”

‘“ _Can you remind me what is the point of your odd chanting?_ ”’ 

“Popipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopi” 

‘“ _Subaru, it’s been an hour._ ”’

“Popipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopi”

‘“ _Are you trying to punish me? Or are you just embracing madness?_ ”’

“Popipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopi”

‘“ _You can play in silence, you know? Odd chanting won’t improve your performance._ ”’

“Popipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopipopi”

Subaru stopped. 

‘“ _At last… Now we ca-_ ”’

“LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA”

.  
.  
.  
.  
.

Echidna never felt so helpless in her entire life and death. 

\+ Day 221 + 

“Time signatures hold no secret from you, right?” Reinhard applauded. “You lied when you described yourself as a beginner.”  
“You’re too kind! You make me blush! Stop flirting with me, my heart already belongs to Emilia.” Subaru hid his face behind his hands.  
“And you’re too hard on yourself.”  
“Loooooook who’s talking! I won’t tolerate that from you.” he pinched Reinhard's cheek.  
“From my point of you, you’re the one who should have a good look at yourself.” Reinhard returned the favor.

They both laughed. Making Reinhard laugh was always a victory for Subaru, ever since Felt's departure’ the man looked like a sad puppy. Unbeknown to Reinhard, they spent more than 100 loops together, which ought to bring people close to each other. More than his music theory knowledge or piano skills, it was his ‘Reinhard reading’ abilities that greatly improved. 

It’s as if the man's heart was laying bare in front of him. It made reassuring him way easier and allowed him to calm his concern about Felt more efficiently than before. 

‘“ _That’s good. Learning to use Reinhard is an important skill. It will make your life way easier._ ”’ 

Subaru winced. That sounded bad. Extra bad. Comic book villain bad. 

‘“ _There is no villainy. You’re not hurting him. Far from it, you’re helping him._ ”’

Subaru absentmindedly scratched his arm. He wasn’t so sure about that…

‘“ _Look at him, laughing. It’s for his own good._ ”’ she sat near her contractor. ‘“ _You know that, don’t you. And it’s not like you trained yourself to deceive him. You just picked up what his non-verbal cues were._ ”’

“Subaru?”  
“Yes?” Subaru focused back on his teacher.  
“Are you ready? I’ve made you two new little questions.”  
“Yes, yes. Do your worst!” he pumped his fist in fake 

Reinhard gave him two handwritten music sheets, of course, his handwriting was perfect and was as easy to read as prints were. 

“For the first one, what can-”  
“Canon in augmentation.”  
“Not even letting me finish? I think the next one won’t be as easy.” 

The second one had a little red cross somewhere above the second staff. 

“Tell me what is missing... right there!” Reinhard pointed the cross with his finger. 

Subaru took a long look at the sheet. A really long one. A really really long one. No matter how he looked at it, he found nothing wrong with this piece. 

“There are no stupid answers.” Reinhard tried to coax Subaru to speak his mind. 

What a failure. He didn’t even have an answer. 

‘“ _You’re too hard on yourself. You’re not necessarily always at fault. If you don’t recognize your progress, you’ll go nowhere._ ”’ 

Subaru raised an eyebrow at Echidna. 

‘“ _Learning how to fight with a sword is useless if you always think yourself unworthy of it. Your skills are going to be as useless as the heavy sword at Reinhard’s belt with that mindset._ ”’

‘Is she giving me motivational speech?’ thought Subaru. That idea was terrifying. 

“So, time is up. I want an answer now.”  
“Aaah… Nothing?” Subaru answered tentatively.  
“Correct! You didn’t fall into my trap. I thought you wouldn’t dare to say it. I’m glad to be wrong.”

‘“ _You feel bad about playing Reinhard, but he sure does know how to play you._ ”’ Echidna laughed. 

Subaru flicked his finger at her face. He was not in the mood for her teasing. 

‘“ _But when are you in the mood?_ ”’ Echidna asked. ‘“ _Maybe if you learned to let go of your self-doubt and guilt, you’ll feel lighter._ ”’ she waved her hand at him. ‘“ _Self-flagellation is useless. So stop wasting your precious energy doing it._ ”’ 

‘Well, duh!’ Subaru grimaced at her. 

“You look displeased. Have I done something to vex you?” Reinhard asked.  
“You literally did nothing! You’re being too hard on yourself!”  
“Am I having a feeling of Déjà-vu?”  
“Yeah… Maybe you should.” Subaru snorted. 

\+ Day 289 + 

‘“ _BRAVO! BRAVO!_ ”’  
“Can you stop with the sarcasm? It hurts my feelings.”  
‘“ _You should stop having them, then._ ”’

Subaru ignored her and returned to his piano. He once again tried himself to a particularly tough music piece. But it was as if his left hand refused to do as he wanted. 

‘“ _Well, if you want some kind words. Your ear is getting sharper and sharper every loop. You’re starting to have a true sense of musicality._ ”’ 

He looked at her as he played, giving her the perfect face of dissatisfaction. 

“Stop trying to act friendly, it’s creepy.”  
‘“ _I take offense. Look at yourself, you’re the one who looks creepy._ ”’  
“My eyes are mean, but your soul is straight-up evil.”

He stuck his tongue at her and returned his attention to his piano. He knew the piece by heart and had no need for his music sheets. He watched his finger hit the keys, dreading his imminent failure. His left pinky just couldn’t reach the right key, he just lacked the flexibility. All the warm-up in the world couldn't help him, it was frustrating. 

But he had to persevere, he had no other choice. For he had no other choice, he could do nothing but persevere. 

‘“ _Is your mind looping too? You thought the same thing twice._ ”’  
“Well, if I keep doing the same thing over and over again, it's only normal to start thinking the same thing over and over again?”  
‘“ _You have a point…_ ”’ she pondered. ‘“ _By the way, how many time did you play this piece today?_ ”’  
“Eh. Don’t know.”

He knew he couldn’t get it right. That's all he needed to know. 

\+ Days 333 + 

A clear review of what is done and what must be done is a powerful tool. Echidna was right, if he kept ignoring what he already had, he might as well actively destroy it. So he made a mental list, a mental breakdown of what he had to do. Everything looked more manageable in list form. 

Right now, it was time to level up his 'Emilia skills'. If he wanted to make her happy, he needed to be as efficient as he could. Every second wasted, was a second of potential happiness thrown in the trash. 

Maximizing performance was maximizing happiness. 'Quod erat demonstrandum'.

‘“ _Is this another different language?_ ”’ Echidna asked. There was only a single common tongue in Lugnica, yet Subaru has heard of dozen of different ones. Fascinating.  
“It’s Latin. A dead language.”  
‘“ _How does a language die?_ ”’ Fascinating.  
“When there is nobody left to speak it. Or at least, when it’s nobody native language anymore.”’  
‘“ _Could you tell me more? How did it die?_ ”’ Fascinating.  
“No, I won’t.”  
‘“ _Why not? You have nothing to lose._ ”’  
“Yes. Time. I have time to lose.” Was she really expecting him to give her a crash course on Roman history?  
‘“ _Says the man who has all the time in the world._ ”’  
“Every loop I spend being deficient is a loop where Emilia suffers from it.”  
‘“ _You’re acting as if we didn’t matter._ ” Fascinating.  
“You are a tool to me. I am a tool to you. I am a tool to me. Tool, tool, tool.” he repeated the word until it lost his meaning in his mind.  
‘“ _You’re a tool alright._ ”’ she was petty, but she could feel he was cheating her out of some sweet knowledge. 

Subaru went to Emilia’s room, he wanted to try a new technique. He would try something new with Emilia every loop and study the results. That would allow him to make a comprehensive list of everything that could make Emilia happy. He was selfish by dilly-dallying before, she deserved the best. She deserved peak performance.

“Emilia!”  
“SUBARU!” she jumped in his arms. She was so happy to see him.  
“Emilia, love.” accepting her embrace he started to spin on himself.  
“SUBARU, LOVE.” he was with her, he was with her.  
“Do you trust me?” he stopped spinning to put Emilia right in front of him.  
“Of course!” she trusted him because he was with her, always with her. 

He carried her bridal style and kicked open the door of her room. She let herself be carried and relaxed in his arms. Those arms could take her anywhere, she would never fear... as long as it was those arms. 

He ran through the corridors with purpose, Emilia didn’t know why he rushed but she said nothing, he must have his reason. Moreover, she appreciated being in his arms, she hoped the way to his destination would be very long. She knew she was selfish, but never carried her like that before! Unfortunately for her, he stopped running after a single minute and put her down in front of a door. 

“The art studio?” she asked.

He answered the question by opening the door, the room was quite sizable and a large sheet was spread on the floor. Small cans of paints were haphazardly put on the sheet, but no brush or canvas could be seen. 

“Are we going to paint? Do you want me to fetch some brushes?”  
“Nope!” he shook his head. “Because we’ll be doing some…” he silently faked hitting on a drum. “BODY PAINTING!”  
“Mmm… ‘Body Painting’... Is this one of your extraneous words, again?”  
“Who even says ‘extraneous’ nowadays?” 

She did, and he already heard her say that word in a similar context at least twenty times now. He even had ‘the pleasure’ to ask Echidna for its definition. Still, he faked the surprise and the astonishment. Emilia never got tired of this little remark, it became a sort of in-joke between them. 

“It’s a forgotten art where you’re both the brush and the canvas! Well, you just need to be the canvas… but we’re going to be the brush too.”  
“We’re going to paint over our bodies?” Emilia took a good look at herself. “But where?”  
“Anywhere you want! Your beautiful adorable face for example. Or you can paint mine! This is a universe of opportunities!” 

Emilia thought about it. Drawing on Subaru, it was unconventional but it sounded fun. And she would never back down from getting closer to her knight! Maybe it would be the perfect occasion to show her gratitude toward him! 

It’s decided, she was going to make the most of this ‘Body painting’ thingy. She guided Subaru to the middle of the sheet. She then started to take his vest and shirt off.

“HOLD ON!” Subaru raised his arm in genuine surprise. “Did we just skip a level or two?”  
“Eh? How am I supposed to paint your body if I can’t access it?”  
“Well, I was thinking about painting our arms and legs but go on, then. I won’t stop you.” what a sweet summer child, he loved her. 

They both sat on the floor and Subaru let Emilia take off the rest of his shirt. She rolled up her sleeves and took a few cans of paint: a bit of red, a bit of pink, a bit of black. She then dipped two fingers in the rich red pigment. She knew exactly what she wanted to draw on him.

“Your heart is what I love the most about you.”

She then drew a big red heart on the left side of his chest. However, she put too much paint and some of it ran down. It looked like she drew a bleeding heart. 

That is not what she wanted to do at all!

“Don’t be sad Emilia.” he smiled at her. “It’s because my heart is literally oozing my love for you.”  
“You’re just trying to be nice…” she frowned  
“ME? NEVER? I’m just telling the truth and the truth only.” he raised a hand as if taking an oath. “Make me take a polygraph! Make me take two! Let me prove my love for you!” 

Emilia laughed, he was bad with promises and she didn’t know what a ‘polygraph’ was. Something that could write multiple things at the same time? What did it have to do with telling the truth? 

She took more of the red paint and started to draw lines coming out of the heart, like one would draw rays around the sun. She then lowered her dress’ neckline to draw a smaller pink heart on her very own chest. 

Oh! She should have asked Subaru to do it! She didn’t know why but the idea of Subaru touching the skin just above her breast was... enticing. She clapped her cheeks, what was she thinking! It didn’t make any sense! 

She then took black paint and drew a line from her heart to her hand and did the same from Subaru’s heart to his hand. After letting the paint dry for a few seconds, she took his painted hand with hers. 

“That way! Our hearts are literally connected!” she blushed.  
“...” he said nothing.  
“Aaah…” she blushed harder… Did he found her childish? She just embarrassed herself in front of him, right?  
“I love you.”  
“Eh.”

He just took her in his arms and gently kissed her on the lips. 

“Every time things get hard, I’m reminded about how precious you are. I love you so much.” he honestly smiled.

Emilia looked at the ground. She was absolutely useless and yet he wanted to be at her side. Everybody else ran away from her, and they were right to. She was nothing but a burden to them. Yet Subaru stayed and stayed. No matter what happened, no matter what she did. 

She knew he would always be by her side. She had the intimate conviction that even death could not keep him away from her. And that is why he was the only one she needed. She had found her guardian angel, she didn’t deserve him but he was hers all the same. 

Putting all her embarrassment in a little mental box, she decided that today would be the day! Indeed, every single kiss they shared made her stomach summersault, it should be unpleasant but it was a heavenly feeling. 

She wanted more of it, but she didn’t know how. She knew there was more to be done, he alluded so many times. He called their kisses ‘chaste’, in opposition to unchaste kisses, she guessed. What is selfish to want some of those? Was he going to judge her? 

No, he never did. 

Saying that she didn’t have any idea about what to do would be a lie. She had an intuition, something beating in her veins every time they were close to each other. She drew a line to link their hearts to each other, but she felt a connection every time she touched him. Moroso when she kissed him. 

Would she dare to do it? She was shaking in anticipation…

“Are you ok? Is there something wrong? You know you can tell me anything!” he put his hands on her shoulder.  
“There is something…” 

She took a deep breath and took him in her arms, kissing him. It started like it always did, but this time Emilia was determined to not let it end this way! 

She moved her lips open to slightly pinch his, he answered in kind. She put one hand on his jaw, the other on his neck, he wrapped his arms around her waist. Her face was burning, her body was shaking, she didn’t know if it was fear or delight. 

Then she opened her mouth a little wider, sliding just the tip of her tongue in his. What was she doing, was she mad? Her tongue touched his and she felt electricity jolt in her body. She retracted her tongue in surprise and his tongue took pursuit. 

Then she broke the kiss, it was way too much for her. She was going to explode, her body never reacted this way before, it was madness. She put back a strand of hair behind her ear as she panted slightly. She summoned her courage and took a look at Subaru’s face. He was smiling warmly at her.

“Dear God, you must reeeeeeeeeally like ‘body painting’.”  
“Don’t make fun of me!” could he see that he was torturing her! His teasing was sweet poison to her. “You’re too mean!” 

She then put her face against his naked chest and hugged him, that way she wouldn’t have to look at his taunting face. This kiss opened a world of opportunity to her, what else could she do with her mouth. Kiss his neck, perhaps? 

Subaru petted gently her long hair. This was a new development, an unexpected but welcomed one. Trying new things with her every loop was paying off. 

‘“ _Look at her melting in your arms. Is she precious?_ ”’ Echidna didn’t hide her sarcasm.

Yes, she was. She was the most precious thing in the world. Emilia must have really trusted him to dare to take the lead. That and knowing what effect he had on her made him elated. It pleased him way more than the kiss itself. 

The satisfaction of having her give herself up to him was exceptional. The more she trusted and depended on him, the easier it would be to protect and cherish her. Every sign of her endless faith in him must be celebrated. 

‘“ _You must keep up the good work. You’re getting closer and closer to your true goal every day._ ”’ 

\+ Day 365 + 

Subaru discovered that Reinhard could be used as an accurate metronome. Why did it take him so much time to find out? 

\+ Day 411 + 

Subaru relaxed the armchair of his study, he looked straight ahead at a naked part of the wall. A gaze devoid of intensity on a spot deprived of interest. 

‘“ _No power nap today?_ ”’ Echidna sat on the armrest. She couldn’t see Subaru's face but she knew there was nothing to see.  
“There is no need to nap. Only to let my head and fingers rest.”  
‘“ _Haven’t you told me that you found pleasure in partaking in a nap?_ ”’  
“Did I?” 

Echidna didn’t ask any more questions, there were no other answers to find. Or rather, the answer presented itself to her. No nap because he didn’t need to, he didn’t want to. That’s all there is to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to dreadful. Bye-bye, Subaru.


	3. You're never fully dressed without a smile!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choking on bread and blood.

\+ Day 442 + 

Echidna had put both her hands over his heart so she could explore his mind. She always relished in such trips. Being able to see what only had seen, no, it was more than just seeing, she could hear, she could feel, she could live it. 

At this moment, they were sitting in the subway(?), a pair of headphones(?) over their ears. The subway moved, people around them spoke but they could only hear a soft melody. They were listening to instruments she never heard of, yet they were listening to a singer he was a fan of. 

By re/living the memory, they could hear the music echo in their minds. If Echidna was experiencing this unique moment again and again with a smile on her face, Subaru was hard at work over his desk. 

He wrote the notes he heard, tested his findings on his piano, and replayed the memory again and again. Yet Echidna could not get enough of it, every second of it unraveled new knowledge. If Subaru was closing himself off to listen only to the tune, she looked around, she felt the vibration of the machine under her. 

Odd clothes, odd jewelry, odd people. The walls of the machine were covered with pictures and symbols. She could spend an eternity deciphering them. But when Subaru would be satisfied with his work, he would cut her experience short. She could be mad at him but she knew he would show her a new memory in the next loop. 

This contract was even better than expected. She had to preserve it under any circumstances. Not only could she experience this world from every angle, but she had a foot in an entirely alien world. Moreover, Subaru was a world of his own, his transformation into something even she couldn’t comprehend was magnificent. 

Subaru could feel her presence behind him, he could feel her sinful greed dripping off his back. It disgusted him, but it was a small price to pay for his ambitions. 

\+ Day 469 +

‘Don’t stop. Go on. Go on. Go on, go on, go on, go on. Don’t stop.’ 

Emilia’s head was buzzing, her heart was blooming into something terrifying and mesmerizing. The kiss they shared was so deep, she could not breathe nor think. His body over her both provoked and calmed her. His hands caressing her body gave her little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little forbidden fantasies. 

He broke the contact. 

‘Try again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, try again. Please. Please. Please.’ 

Her heart was beating so fast it made her dizzy, it felt as if it was about to burst out of her chest. 

She was dying of euphoria, he looked at her with a satisfied look. She put her hand on his neck, beckoning him to come back. 

She could feel his pulse under her fingers, it was... agonizingly slow. 

How could he stay so calm when he was killing her. 

\+ Day 502 + 

Petra had trouble keeping all the plates on her tray. She still had two bowls of soup to bring unscathed, but it was getting harder and harder. 

Somebody took the tray from her hand. 

“Let me take care of it.” Subaru winked at her.  
“Suba-, I mean Mr.Subaru, you don’t need to do that! I can do it just fine!”  
“I know, I know. I just want to help you. I have been so selfish by holing up in the study all day, don't you think?” he carried the tray with a single hand and touched the tip of her nose with the other. “Did you miss me?”  
“Stop teasing me!”  
“That's a yes! I am truly honored.” he slightly bowed to her without making the tray budge. “Go fetch the wine for Roswaal, while I'm taking care of this.”  
“But-”  
“No, no, no, no! No but! Don’t you dare!” 

He then went on his way to serve the two last bowls. Why was he still treating her like a child? She grew up so much since she began her maid training. How was she supposed to impress him if he didn't take her seriously? He was such an idiot… 

She went back to the kitchen to find some wine. Lord Roswaal had a single glass every evening, usually served by Frederica. Today she was going to be the one doing the service. Even though she trained hard, she never served Lord Roswall's wine before and it made her extremely anxious. What if she made a fool of herself? 

She made her way into the dining room and placed herself behind the master of the house. He would request his wine in the middle of the supper, she had to be prepared. Frederica noticing the young maid’s anxiety gave her a reassuring wink, she was sure Petra would be doing just fine. 

Even though Petra made her best attempt to focus, she let herself be distracted by Subaru (again), he was eating the soup she made herself! What if he didn’t like it? Then he would lie to her and tell her he loved it... so she needed to keep an eye on him to know his true reaction! It would maybe hurt but she needed to face reality. She wouldn't improve if he kept coddling her. 

Subaru ate the soup without thinking about it, it was the same soup every loop. During the first few loops, he would ask the girls to cook a different dish each time, but it didn’t feel necessary anymore. That or something else, he was bound to eat the same stuff again and again and again. 

It wasn’t as sad as it sounded, he got used to it. The soup was as tasteless as the first loop, well, he thought it was. It was so long ago for him, more than five hundred loops ago, in fact. 

‘“ _Do want me to make the memory resurface?_ ”’ 

Why not? Forgetting things was problematic after all. Even if Echidna could always make him remember with brute force if needed, it took time and focus, it was terribly inefficient.

As Echidna unlocked the forgotten memory, he could see himself sitting at the same place, on the same chair. He had once again a useless fork and a white napkin. He threw a glance at Petra who was still fidgetting behind her lord, as she was getting overwhelmed by anxiety. He then looked at the evergreen vegetable soup, took his spoon, and tasted it. 

Nothing. He was right, it was as tasteless as it was now. Still, he remembered himself smiling when he had eaten it... To make Petra happy, maybe? No, it couldn’t be, he only noticed her staring at him after the twentieth loop. What a mundane mystery, even thinking about it felt like a waste of time.

He let go of the memory and came back to reality, not that they were any different. He looked over at Petra who was stalking his reaction. He gave her a smile and wink, then watched her blush as she understood she got caught staring. 

‘He caught me staring!’ Petra thought, panicking. That was why he thought she was still a child!

“Ladiiiiies, would you kindly pour me some wi~ne?” 

Petra jumped in surprise, she got caught off guard! Shaking away the shook, she took the unopened wine bottle and went to her master’s side. She was trembling as she tried to open the bottle, she should have opened it before he asked! 

Subaru was about to go help the poor girl when Emilia suddenly stood up. It was unexpected, she never got up to help Petra before… 

‘“ _Something new… You should make attention to it, we must understand why the loop diverged!_ ”’ Echidna was more than intrigued, even she could get bored with the repetition. 

Subaru looked at Emilia quizzically, he couldn’t hide his surprise... This event never happened in more than half a thousand loops.

After getting up, Emilia stayed firmly in place. She only put her hands on her pale throat, moving her mouth without making any sounds. 

Both Subaru and Reinhard shoot up their chairs.

“Is there anything wrong, lady Emilia?” Reinhard asked as he got around the table to reach her. 

No answers...

“She is suffocating!” Subaru's blood ran cold. 

He quickly placed himself behind her and put both his hands on her solar plexus. he never had to use the Heimlich maneuver before, he wasn't even sure he was doing it right. For all he knew, he was just inefficiently crushing her stomach without helping her. Putting his doubts aside, he spread his legs for stability and thrust her belly. 

His mind was racing, what happened? Looking at the table, he saw the piece of bread she was munching on, and now she was choking on it. Was she really going to die from a piece of bread? 

He thrust again. 

She never choked before, why was it happening? 

He thrust again. 

It was a ‘random chance event’, there were no other explanations. He knew two loops could never be the truly same. That if he flipped the same coin, the same way, at the same time it still could land on head or tails. But this was too much. 

He thrust again. 

It wasn’t working, but he was doing it exactly as he remembered. Even if he didn’t, nobody could correct him, the maneuver didn’t exist here. 

‘“ _Think Subaru. I can. You’re doing it right. Do it again._ ”’ 

He trusted again. 

NO result. He was failing her. 

He thrust again. 

He was killing her. 

“I think I'm getting what you are trying to do... We are on the right track, please, let me try it.” Reinhard put his hand on his shoulder. 

Subaru silently let go of Emilia and backed off. He could do nothing but pray Reinhard would not be as much as a failure as he was.

‘“ _Praying is useless._ ”’ 

Then there was nothing he could do. He was powerless, it wasn’t supposed to happen. He should always be able to save her. 

Reinhard thrust Emilia's stomach. 

'“ _Don’t look at her face._ ”’ Echidna said. ‘Or do’ she thought, she didn’t understand why she was trying to protect him. He needed to get stronger after all. 

As soon as he heard those words, he looked at Emilia. Her face was pale, her lips slightly blue. He could see the absolute horror on her face, but not a single sound came out of her. 

Reinhard thrust again.

Her eyes were wide opened as if she tried to make them pop out of their sockets. The white of her eyes was bloodshot, her gaze lost in pain. 

Reinhard thrust again. 

Why? Why? Why? 

Reinhard thrust again.

“Cough, cough!” 

At last! She was liberated. The bread came out of her mouth as she coughed. 

“My god, thanks, my god.” Petra was crying. 

Emilia took a deep deep breath. 

“It’s ok, you’re out of danger.” Reinhard ruffled her back. “You are safe.”

Subaru fell on his knees. She almost died. She was dying. And even now, she was crying. Emilia crumbled at his side, exhausted by her near-death experience. She then fell in his arms, she needed her knight by her side, she was so tired, so scared. 

Subaru held her like she was going to disappear, she almost did after all. 

“Subaru, it’s ok. She is ok, you can relax now. No need to cry.” Reinhard gave him a weak smile. “Your quick thinking saved her.” 

Save her? Ah! He wanted to laugh. It was his fault all of that happened! He rolled the dice of life until this nightmare came up. He let her suffer, he would never forget the face she made. He would never forget what he let happen, what he directly caused. 

He might as well have strangled her himself. And he could not even save her from his mistakes, Reinhard had to do it. 

‘“ _That’s why you have him in your camp. So he can do what you physically cannot. And that’s why you must never let him go._ ”’ 

Letting Reinhard go? What an idea! How would he compensate for his useless self then? 

He should have saved her, he shouldn't have let it happen in the first place. But he let suff-

A horrible realization dawned on him. Something that made him want to vomit, something that made him want to tear his own head off. 

She didn’t suffer because he was powerless to help, she suffered because he let it happen. He could have stopped this masquerade at any moment. He needed only to take the knife in his pocket and end it. He could have destroyed the reality that was torturing Emilia. 

But he didn’t. He chose not to do it. And why? Because he was weak? Because he was stupid? Because he was useless? 

He had the power to destroy anything and anyone, time and space were his to control and he did nothing. 

‘“ _I told you that if you discarded what you already had, you will regret it. Stop underestimating yourself. You are in power here._ ”’

She was right. He would never make the same mistake again. Never. 

He looked at Emilia, the poor girl was silently crying in his arms… He was doing it again. Letting her suffer in vain. He knew what he had to do now. He was finally becoming the person he needed to be. 

“I’m sorry, Emilia.” he kissed her forehead and he gently put her on the floor.  
“WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” Emilia panicked, she needed him, right now!  
“Trust me.” he kissed her again, on the lips this time. 

She watched as her knight got up and exited the dining without looking back. Why did it feel like he was never coming back? 

Subaru went to his study, his safe haven. He locked the door behind him and drew his trusty knife. It was almost a close friend at this point. 

He was still shaking from the shock and the revulsion he had for himself but his mind was unwavering. For the first time in his life, he was experiencing absolute confidence. No other choice made as much sense in his life. He felt as if he just discovered fire, he knew his life would never be the same. And all he needed was a simple change of perspective. 

Echidna silently watched as she got ready to witness the birth of her greatest masterpiece, it was the moment. The butterfly was finally coming out from his chrysalis. 

The knife in trembling hands, Subaru looked a last time at his reflection before stabbing his own neck. 

‘“ _Ah..._ ”’ Echidna winced. His hands had shaken too much and he messed it up. 

Blood slowly poured out of his neck: he had cut his jugular but barely grazed his carotid artery. He let go of his blade, shocked by the pain without the instant release. He instinctively grabbed his neck, knowing it will only prolong his suffering. His primal instinct was fighting against him. He had to put an end to it and he had to do it now. 

Heavy knocking sounds came from the door.

“SUBARU! Are you alright? Emilia told me that there is something wrong and I can’t help but think it too.” It was Reinhard, a pesky blessing surely whispered him to come. “Open the door please.” 

Subaru fell on the ground to retrieve his knife, he needed to put a stop to this farce, now. He couldn’t let them ruin his death. And he would, enough of his weakness. 

He winced as his wound slightly widen as he hit the floor. It made him bleed a little faster, but it wouldn't be enough. He noted that he must have also slashed his trachea because he started to cough some blood. A coughing fit wouldn't do, it would only impair him further. 

Another volley of knocking. 

“We know you are there, we heard you coughing! If you don’t open the door, I will break it. I’m sorry but I know something is up.” 

Subaru finally took the knife in his hand, the blood on the handle made it slippery. He cursed his grasp as it was getting weaker from the blood loss. He could feel his consciousness slipping away and his vision became blurry. He must have lost two good liters of blood, enough to make him pass-out but too little to mean instant death him. He knew that Emilia could restore his blood volume in an instant. Time was of the essence. 

He then laid on the ground to keep himself steady. He didn't have the strength to keep himself standing or sitting and he had to keep what he had left to carry out the final slash. He tightened his grip on his knife and mustered the courage to uncover his bleeding neck. His futile unconscious attempts at wound compression were useless, but letting go was so hard. It felt as if he was forcing himself to breathe underwater. 

‘Tough luck, sword saint. Even you can’t stop me’ Subaru couldn’t say it but he could still think it. His delirious mind rejoiced in their impotence. He was unstoppable. 

He raised the knife above his neck.

“I’m coming in at three!”

3  
.  
2  
.  
1  
.

\+ Day 555 + 

Subaru fingers danced across the keyboard with a grace Reinhard didn’t suspect in him.

“What do you even need my help for?” Reinhard wanted to laugh, Subaru was always so hard on himself.  
“You can always improve! I want to get better. And I won’t stop bothering you until you call me ‘King of the keyboard'! Which is a real title, trust me~” Subaru stuck his tongue at Reinhard as he continued to play flawlessly.  
“I can’t wait then." Reinhard laughed, only Subaru could come up with such silliness. "Can I ask you a question?"  
"You already did~"  
"Then allow me to ask more." Reinhard would love to batter a little longer but his curiosity was unbearable. "Since when do you play the piano? You must have, at least, a few years under your belt. Seven or eight, perhaps.”

Subaru thought about it… He couldn’t tell him 'about five hundred loops, maybe more' after all. 

He started to do the math:  
He spent approximately seven thousand five hundred hours learning his craft. This was excluding his breaks and when he ate with the other.  
If he was a just normal human being and wanted to be diligent, he could say he used three hours every day to practice and learn. 

‘“ _Then it would have taken you approximately seven years to be where you are right now._ ”’ Echidna didn't like feeling like a 'calculator', but she would gladly do it for the man who taught her what a 'calculator' was. He really had her in his pocket. 

“Yeah, seven years sounds right. How did you know?”  
“If you told me any less, I wouldn't have believed you.” Reinhard smiled.  
“I see…” 

He laughed if only Reinhard knew. 

\+ Day 656 + 

The day was over, and everything went according to plan. It was just as it should be. 

Subaru played with his dear knife by keeping it in equilibrium at the tip of a finger. Maybe he should get a butterfly knife, he was sure he could come up with neat tricks to do when he would cut a loop. 

\+ Day 726 + 

Another random chance event. 

Petra tripped and broke a small vase in the hallway. The vase was worthless and Frederica took care of it but poor Petra couldn’t help but feel so bad. She even cried in Subaru's arms. She was drowning in guilt and shame, the poor girl... 

So he erased her sadness away. 

\+ Day 799 + 

It was his daily 10am break. It must be observed to assure maximal efficiency. For it to be effective, he must rest both his mind and his body. So he did so, diligently. He sat back on his armchair and gazed at nothing, even planning for the next loop would be counterproductive. He had to achieve a perfect state of relaxation. 

He had no need to watch the clock or ask Echidna to tell him when the time was up. He already did it hundreds and hundreds of times, his sense of the passing time was both perfectly right and strangely askew. He knew when thirty minutes passed but it felt like an instant to him. 

Echidna observed the still form of her contractor. He would remain motionless for exactly thirty minutes as if he was frozen in time. She was sure he could stay like that for hours if needed. And he would always choose to stay in that state if he was forced to wait for anything. 

He seemed to take no joy in entertainment anymore. 

\+ Day 848 + 

“And voila! Now you can serve our... 'great' lord Roswaal!” Subaru opened the wine bottle and gave it to Petra.  
“Ah~, it seems our deeeeaaar Subaru is being mean with me again~” Roswaal smiled “Now, Petra if you will…” he showed her his wine glass. 

Petra took a deep breath, she already messed up with the bottle opening, she had to pour the wine perfectly. She threw a last glance at Subaru who flashed her a smile and a thumb up. 

Petra strengthened her resolve, she remembered Frederica telling her that it was all about the angle. She took the body of the bottle and started by pouring a small quantity in the glass. 

Good, the first step was successful. 

Roswaal took the glass and examined it. In his long, long life he learned to appreciate his wine, its color, and its body. He took a sip to taste it. 

“It’s peeeerfect~” he winked at Petra. 

The poor maid didn’t even notice it, she was still drowning in anxiety. 

“Does anybody else want to try it~?”

Subaru knew that only Reinhard would take on the offer. Not to enjoy the wine, but to keep Roswaal’s invitation from being a total failure. 

“I would like to taste some, please.” Reinhard raised his arm to show his interest. 

Petra made sure to remind herself of the order of service: the woman, then the men, then the one who tasted the wine. So she would have to serve Reinhard first. She got around the table clockwise and stopped by Reinhard's side. 

She served the wine perfectly. 

“You’re doing a great job.” Reinhard told her softly. 

Then she had to finally serve Roswaal and she felt an adrenaline spike in her vein. She managed the tasting, so she should be able to do the serving with no complications. She started to pour the wine, and she knew she was doing something wrong but didn't know what. 

She looked at Subaru, he would help her, he always did. Subaru was already on the job, he mimicked her serving the wine, only putting the bottle at a different angle. 

Of course! She corrected her posture immediately and the wine poured itself at the perfect speed. 

“Thank you, Petra~” Roswaal held back a laugh, new maids were always a delight to watch. 

Petra then took back her place next to Frederica. 

“I’m proud of you.” Frederica whispered in the young girl's ear. 

Petra couldn't help herself but blush. She did it, but she would have been hopeless without her hero. 

She looked at him a last time only to see him making a heart with both his hands. Her hero was still a loveable idiot. 

\+ Day 911 + 

“Subaru boy~, I see you’re hard at wooork~”

Roswaal found Subaru in the art and science library, the boy was browsing the music section, where he kept hundreds of miscellaneous partitions. 

“I didn’t fancy you a musician~” Roswaal commented, he knew that Subaru never even went near this library before.  
“Well, I don’t fancy you at all.”  
“Coooold~” 

Subaru was still as hostile as ever, but Roswaal could see that he had lost the fire in his eyes. He went quickly from strong disgust to mild disdain. Still, Roswaal didn’t care, he could take unadulterated hatred from Subaru, as long as he played along. 

“If you told me about what you’re searching for, maybe I could heeeelp you.”  
“No, you could not. I'm pretty sure I know this library better than you do.”  
“How could you~? When it’s the first tiiiime you even came here.” Roswaal smiled. 

Subaru’s fate altering abilities were fascinating. Time literally bent to his will, how charming. All Roswaal had to do was to assure that their wills concorded. He also had to find a way to motivate the young boy. 

“How many times did we have this conversation, Subaru-boy~?” 

Subaru turned to face Roswaal and rolled his eyes. No matter what he did in a loop, Roswaal would always find him. It was a waste of time to avoid him, it was quicker to send him packing. Still, his presence was something that he would gladly erase from his loops, and from his life, maybe even from existence. 

‘“ _You still need him, either you want it or not._ ”’ Echidna teased him.  
“Well, duh. And I need Reinhard, but at least he has the courtesy to not be a bastard.”  
“Are you talking about me~, Subaru-boy?”  
“Anyway, we already had this conversation more time than I care to count.” Subaru found what he was searching for. “Now, Bye-bye.” 

Roswaal watched as Subaru left the library. He didn’t know what Subaru had in store, but he was sure that the final Roswaal would be a lucky man~. 

\+ Day 944 + 

Reinhard was walking down the hallway when he heard somebody run behind him before getting tackled by an overjoyed Emilia. 

“Lady Emilia, it’s rare to see you outside of your room at this hour.”  
“Today is special.” she giggled as she hugged the knight. “Today, we are going on an adventure!” she had sparkles in her eyes. 

Reinhard raised an eyebrow, he wasn’t aware of any kind of mission planned for today, especially with Lady Emilia. She spent most of her day in her room and barely left the mansion, her claim was clearly absurd. 

“Lady Emilia, who told you that we were going adventuring?”  
“SU-BA-RU did!”

Reinhard wanted to raise his eyebrow even higher, but it had reached its limit. Fortunately for him, he could see Subaru walking down the hallway to meet them. 

“Emilia runs too fast! She would win gold at the Olympics every time!” Subaru looked at Reinhard. “Well… Silver. But you get what I mean.”  
“...” No, he didn’t get what he meant, but when did he.  
“Anyway, Emilia must have already told you, but we’re going on a little trip today, and we wanted you to join us.”  
“So it is true…”  
“Don’t worry, it’s not a dangerous mission. Just an in and out one hour adventure!” he showed a single finger. 

Emilia was spinning around herself in excitement. She never did that kind of thing before. Her knight always found new ways to make her happy, she was so lucky! What would she do without him? What a useless question! Her knight will never, ever, ever leave her alone. 

“In that case, wouldn't it be better to go on your own? I don’t want to taint your couple outing.” It was nice of them to invite him, but he would only ruin the mood.  
“That’s where you’re wrong! It’s no couple thing, it’s three friends unraveling a mystery!” Subaru pointed toward the ceiling.  
“We’re going to explore a nearby cave! I’ve never gone spelunking before!”  
“Who even says ‘spelunking’ nowadays?” Subaru gently pulled Emilia’s ear. “It’s nothing fancy, but I heard that there is something really worth seeing in this cave.”  
“Come with us! Come with us!” Emilia chanted. 

Reinhard wasn’t sure how to react. For some unknown reason, they really wanted him to come. Were they aware of how un-fun he was? 

“Don’t sweat it! It’s just a trip between friends.” 

‘A trip between friends’... Reinhard couldn’t disappoint them, especially when they looked at him with two pairs of puppy eyes. He hesitated. If he refused, they were going to be heartbroken and if he accepted, he was going to spoil the fun. This was a dilemma where he could only be a bad friend. 

He made his choice. 

“Let’s get going then.” he gave them a thin smile.

He didn’t have the heart to deny them. And he selfishly wanted to go. He was incorrigible. 

Both Emilia and Subaru took one of his hands and guided him to the stable. Subaru picked both his loyal Patrasche and another ground dragon. 

“It’s only five minutes away by ground dragon’s back. Come on, there is no time to waste!” 

After getting into the saddle, they made their way through the forest around the mansion. Reinhard was still unsure about this trip, he knew he was bound to disappoint, but both Emilia and Subaru smiled at him. He didn't deserve those smiles, but God knew he was going to cherish them. He already lost Felt due to his foolishness. 

Subaru was guiding them through the forest, taking care to flash some smiles to the hesitant Reinhard. It was an experiment. Reinhard was by far his biggest asset and he had to take good care of him. Roswaal was an asset too, but he had no self-respect for himself. He could spit in the clown's mouth and he would still have his assistance. Disdainful. 

Reinhard was more akin to Emilia: in dire need of a kind and caring figure. And Subaru was sure he could be this person to Reinhard. The poor man strived for love every day of his life, it was heartbreaking. They could have a perfect symbiosis, Reinhard would get the friend he needed and Subaru would get the ‘friend’ he needed. 

So he used the same strategy he used with Emilia: throwing everything against the wall and seeing what stuck. He had an infinite amount of tries after all. His way of thinking was closer to a computer running a list of operations than a human analyzing a situation, but, oh well. Weren’t computers supposed to dominate the world in a few years?

‘“ _Oh, yes… computers. Those are literally boxes full of mysteries._ ”’ Echidna's life got two thousand times better when she learned the possible existence of those machines. ‘“ _I would give everything to be able to experience them._ ”’ Lucky for her, she could have a taste of these machine’s wonders through Subaru. 

She made the best contract of her life.

As they reached the cave, they got off their ground dragon and started to explore it. Of course, Subaru had brought with him everything they needed. They won’t spend too much time exploring, he made sure of that, it was only an experiment and not the real deal. 

Echidna was the one who advised him to visit the cave. She told him there was a room bursting full of crystals, and that the few rays of light passing through the ceiling cracks made the place breathtaking. Who knew they were living close to a natural wonder? Echidna did, and that’s why she was irreplaceable to him. He cannot lose her. 

They reached what seemed like a dead-end, but if one looked above they could see a very large opening. It was quite hard to reach as the opening was quite high. Two and a half meters high, Reinhard approximated.

“Human ladder activated!” Subaru shouted in the cave. 

He glued his side to the wall and presented his two hands to Emilia. Without a word, she put her foot in his hands, using Subaru as a step ladder. She easily reached the opening and climbed up without trouble. 

“I would love to let you step on me too.” Subaru winked at Reinhard. “But you’re too heavy for my fragile, little body.”  
“I am pretty sure you could carry me if you truly wanted.” Reinhard laughed. “But I’ll be the one doing the carrying today.” 

Reinhard put Subaru over his shoulder without warning. He then took a few steps back before wall running the obstacle. He then used his free hand to catch the opening and drag himself up. 

“Waouh.” Subaru was impressed. “That was some sick parkour shit!”  
“Ah! Yes, you’re so talented!!” Emilia clapped.  
“Haha, it isn't as hard as it looks.” Reinhard put back Subaru on the ground.  
"Liar." even Emilia knew he was just being too humble again. 

Subaru took the lead and guided them again for a few minutes before stopping abruptly. 

“There we are! I am about to change your life!” 

Subaru truly hoped Echidna didn’t cheat on the good. It would be the waste of a try and his energy. 

‘“ _I will never lie to you, my love. We are a power couple, after all._ ”’

The idea of being in a relationship with Echidna was laughable. But they were a power couple, weren’t they? 

‘“ _I’m glad you see eye to eye with me._ ”’ 

Without paying attention to the witch at his side, Subaru took the few last steps toward the grand finale. The three of them entered a gigantic cavern, the stone ceiling was riddled with holes, letting natural light bathe the room. The walls and ground were covered with colorful gems and in front of them was a wide underground lake. The light reflected on both the gems and the lake, coloring the grey walls with incredible shades of blue and purple. 

Echidna didn’t cheat on the good. But this place was of no interest to Subaru, what mattered was the two companions at his side. He observed their faces, analyzing their reactions.

They were both awestruck. So the ‘Sword Saint’ was sensible to nature’s beauty, that was interesting. Fortunately, Subaru happened to know how to find many more of them. The experiment was a success, he could feel that he just won ten ‘Reinhard points’ and a bazillion ‘Emilia points.’ 

When he would let time flow again, he knew what he would have to do. 

“How did you learn about this cave?” Reinhard was curious, he never knew Subaru liked caving.  
“That is a secret~” Subaru signed a ‘shh’ with his finger. “And a magician never reveals his secrets.”  
“How could Subaru be a magician, when he is useless at magic!” Emilia interjected.  
“AH! My heart! It was a critical hit.” Subaru started to stumble. 

After taking a few steps backward, Subaru fell into Reinhard's arms as if he just fainted. 

“Reinhard, my friend, death is near.” Subaru put his hand on his forehead in a dramatic pose. “Please, take care of Patrasche and our children.” he almost reached for Reinhard’s face before going limp. “URGH.” he closed his eyes.  
“...” Reinhard said nothing. What was Subaru doing?  
“RUDE!” Subaru opened his eyes. “You could have, at least, cried a little or made some heartfelt farewell.”  
“Ah. I’m sorry…” he knew was going to be a killjoy.  
“That’s okay, that’s okay. I forgive you, but you’ll have to do something in exchange!” Subaru got out of the knight's arms.  
“Anything.” he really wanted to redeem himself.  
“You’ll have to agree to twenty more adventures with us!”  
“But-” this was madness.  
“NO BUT, MISTER. You’re walking on thin ice, I won’t tolerate any complaining!” he took both Emilia and Reinhard's hands. “YOU’RE ONE OF US NOW!” he raised both hands in the air.  
“One of us?” Reinhard whispered to himself.  
“Of course!” Subaru made the warmest smile Reinhard had ever seen.  
“...” Reinhard blushed and looked away. “I’m… honored.” 

Like a moth to a flame. 

\+ Day 985 + 

‘“ _Tell me, Subaru. When are you going to start taking on your final exam?_ ”’

Subaru looked at Echidna with a perplexed look. 

“What do you mean by ‘final exam’?”  
‘“ _Well, haven't we agreed on Liszt’s ‘Hungarian Rhapsody no2’?_ ”' Echidna reminded herself to question Subaru about the 'Hungarian’ part later. ‘“ _I think you’re ready now, and I truly I think that you were ready a long, long time ago._ ”’  
“Yeah, what about Liszt?”  
'“ _You don’t remember?_ ”'  
“Remember what?”  
'“ _The reason you even took up the piano. Playing ‘Hungarian Rhapsody no2’ to Emilia?_ "' 

Oh, he forgot about that. He was about to continue this little endeavor until he was satisfied. 

Which might have been never. Oops. 

She was right, it was time to end this loop and move on to the next. It was time to reap what he sowed. 

\+ Day 986 + 

To prepare his performance, he made sure to come back to what started it all: the grand piano in the music room. 

And he started the procedure:  
Relive the memory.  
Transcribe the music.  
Train. Train. Train. 

\+ Day 987 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 988 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 989 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 990 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 991 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 992 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 993 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 994 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 995 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 996 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 997 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 998 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 999 +

Not good enough. 

\+ Day 1000 +

‘“ _Tomorrow is the big day, eh? Are you stressed?_ ”’  
“Why would I?”  
‘“ _Usually, when somebody works years for a single moment, they tended to stress about their performances._ ”’  
“Eh... If I fail anywhere, I won’t let Emilia suffer from it.”

Subaru was trying some clothes in the walk-in wardrobe. A musical performance didn’t end at the music. He had to put on a show, he wanted to drown in Emilia’s adoration. The more she loved him, the more she trusted him. 

And that all he needed from her: her absolute deference. 

\+ Day 1001 + 

Emilia was sitting in front of the vanity table, brushing her hair. She thought about the time when she still had her long lustrous hair, they needed so much care and time. She missed them sometimes, but Subaru liked to keep them short, and her knight was never wrong, so… 

Emilia felt hundreds of butterflies in her stomach, just thinking about Subaru was enough to make her feel enraptured. So, she thought about him often: when she woke up, when she took her bath, when she ate, when she read, when she laid down in her bed. She even dreamt about him! 

The best time of the day was their daily secluded time together. They saw each other at noon and at supper, but it wasn't the same thing. When they were alone together, she felt as light as a feather. Nothing could bring her down, she was fearless. 

They always had so much fun together, even laying in bed together was the best. They would laugh and laugh, and they would in each other arms, it was splendid. Those moments were all she needed in her life, she could live through anything as long as he was by her side. 

A week ago, they spent the whole afternoon together. He was always so busy, so she made sure to make the most of this afternoon. They made a big cake that they shared with everyone in the mansion. It was so delectable, Subaru was so talented. 

She heard a knock on her door. 

It was her knight. She was sure of it! She put the brush back on the vanity and ran to the door. She hoped that he would stay until midnight. Maybe he could even sleep together tonight. That meant that she would get to wake up by his side, maybe she could even watch him sleep. 

She opened the door and jumped in his arms. 

“Hey there, I'm not going anywhere!” Subaru hugged her back.  
“I missed you so much, I even dreamt of you!” she put back a strand of hair behind her ear. “Do you want me to disclose it to you?”  
“Of course, I do. You know I do. I want you to tell me about your everything.” he gave her an Eskimo kiss.  
“Yeah!" she loved it when he did that. " So... I was by a lakeshore, all alone, I closed my eyes and I started to walk toward the water. Soon enough, I had water to my neck, but I kept moving forward and forward until I was entirely underwater.” she threw a glance at Subaru to make sure he was still listening to her, and naturally, he did.  
“Please, go on.” Subaru took her hands to reassure her.  
“Then I opened my eyes and you were there in front of me, smiling. At first, I was surprised and I started panicking. I noticed that I couldn't breathe and that I couldn't move to get out of the water… But then, you took my hands and you kissed me.” they kissed often, but saying out loud was always so embarrassing. “Then I could feel myself breathing again even though I was still underwater. Your kiss saved me…" she sighed "I don't remember what happened after.”  
“Then I should give a reward to dream me for saving you! He is truly worthy of the name 'Natsuki Subaru'!”  
“Really? But how could you? He doesn't really exist!”  
“By protecting you, of course! Your safety is the best gift any 'Natsuki Subaru' could hope for!” 

Letting go of one of her hands, he made her spin around herself as if they were in a ballroom. Emilia laughed and allowed him to sway her at his will. 

“Emilia, I have a surprise for you! It’s something that I wanted to do for a very… very long time.”  
“Are we going dancing???” Their little dance move made her want to dance so much more.  
“That will have to wait for another day. Just give me the time to work on dance skills first.” he winked at her. “For now, follow me to the music room.” 

Emilia couldn’t lie, he had picked her interest. If they were going to the music room, would that mean the surprise was related to music? Was he going to give her an instrument as a gift? Was he going to play her something? That would be so romantic! Maybe he was even going to serenade her! 

When they entered the music room, Subaru brought her to a luxurious sofa just next to the grand piano. He bowed in front of her, inviting her to sit on it. 

“So are you ready for the surprise?”  
“Yes!” she was so excited.  
“I said: ARE YOU READY FOR THE SURPRISE?!?!”  
“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!” she raised her arms in the air, asserting her readiness. 

Subaru sat on the ground, just in front of her. He placed his hands on her knees and leaned closer to her, she put her hands over his. 

“As you know, I come from a very far away land. And I wanted to share some of it with you, is that ok?” he laid his head on their stacked hands.  
“Of course!” it was a dream come true. She always wanted to know more about her knight and his mysterious origins. It was as if he fell from the sky to rescue her.  
“Then, would you allow me to play you something dear to my heart?”  
“Please, do! I’m jubilating at the idea!” who knew he could play an instrument.  
“Who even says ‘jubilating’ anymore?” 

He got up and sat on the edge of the piano bench. Making a show of stretching his fingers, Subaru looked at Emilia who was sitting stiffly on the sofa. 

“Now I invite you to sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.” 

How could she relax when she was about to see a side of her knight she never saw before? It was like watching the sun rising after an endless night, she waited for him to unravel himself for so long. 

She held her breath as Subaru put his hands on the keyboard, keeping them straight in front of him. He looked so relaxed when she was so nervous, what if she wasn’t sensible enough to understand the art of his homeland? Then he would be so disappointed in her… 

When she heard the first few notes, all her worries evaporated. It took her a few seconds to register the sounds from the piano, but the music quickly submerged her mind. 

It started so slow, so painfully somber. But Subaru didn’t show any sorrow on his face, he looked so uninvolved with the melancholia he poured on the keyboard. 

Emilia relaxed on the sofa, letting the idleness of the song overpower her. She laid down to have a better view of his moving fingers. She always knew her knight was full of surprise, but this was staggering. He was a man of passion, of great declarations of love and devotion. The Subaru in front of her made a show of finesse and discipline. 

She jumped slightly when the music made an unexpected burst of impulsiveness. She could recognize Subaru’s capricious nature in this sudden change of mood, but the man himself stayed as calm and relaxed as before. And as soon as it started, the outburst dissipated. 

Forgetting to listen for a few moments, she observed his hands on the keyboard. They moved so fast and with impeccable precision. With hooked fingers, his hands danced around as if they were two spiders waltzing all over the keyboard. 

He never told her about his affinity with music. And it wasn’t just an affinity, his skills must have been the result of a true obsession. He had the painful habit of never revealing what was close to his heart, and his love for music must have been an intimate part of him. Maybe he was afraid of her judgment, he was always so prideful. Her rejecting his craft would have been a fatal blow to his heart. But how could she have rejected this?

A sudden change in the flow of the music brought her back from her reverie. She listened as the song rapidly gained more momentum. She took a deep breath as the rising tempo brought her closer and closer to its payoff and allowed the music to explode in a flurry of notes. 

She looked once again at her knight, who was facing his instrument. Unlike before, he was slouched over the keyboard, his eyes closed shut. She could feel that he was truly living his music, she couldn’t blame him, she was living it too. 

Then a moment of calm, reminding her of the first part, appeased her. She didn’t even notice her heartbeat was beating with the tempo. She put her hands over her heart, she could feel Subaru’s passion running through her. It was glorious, so beautiful and intimate. 

The respite was short, and energy flowed back into the music. The piece was getting out of control, as the rhythm ascended and descended in an insane waltz. It was irrational and yet meticulously calculated. She watched as Subaru’s fingers went across the entire keyboard as if every key had to be exploited. 

Then the music slowed down for the last time and dissipated in nothingness. 

None of them made a sound for a long time, but the silence felt natural as if they needed to rest after an exhausting experience. Emilia slowly got up from the sofa and walked toward Subaru who was still looking at his piano, lost in thought. 

“Subaru?” Emilia touched his shoulder to grab his attention. She felt bad imposing her presence on him at this moment.  
"..." he kept looking ahead of him.  
"Subaru?"  
“Mmm.” he blinked a few times before looking at Emilia. “Ah, yes! So, how was it?” 

Emilia said nothing, she just jumped in his arms, knocking him over. They both fell on the floor, and Emilia kissed him with tears in her eyes. 

“Thank you! Thank you!” Emilia said between kisses.

She was so happy. Happy to have shared this moment with him. Happy to have had a glimpse of his homeland. Happy to have him show her a hidden part of himself. Happy. Happy. Happy. 

“Hey, hey. I’m glad you li-” she didn’t let him talk, she just kissed him again and again. 

She then let herself go limp over him, the moment was too intense for her. It was the culmination of months of suffering. She was always afraid that he didn’t trust her like she trusted him, but she had no reason to doubt anymore. 

Today, he showed her his heart. 

After soothing her in his arms, Subaru got up carrying Emilia’s sleeping body. She was adorable. Even he, didn’t know he could have this effect on her. 

‘“ _Well, congratulations. I must admit, witnessing the grand finale, after everything we went through, it brings tears to my eyes._ ”’ she slid a finger across her cheek, mimicking a tear running down it. ‘“ _So, what's our next project, boss?_ ”’  
“This isn’t over. We’re doing it again.”  
‘“ _Why?_ ”’ Echidna was genuinely taken aback. '“ _Your performance was flawless._ ”'

Subaru looked at Emilia before making a dissatisfied sneer. 

“I forgot to smile at the end.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greed!if Subaru is a sweetheart! Always thinking about others before himself.


End file.
